Cool Throne: Moscow Mules


As people mature in life, their views change. Part of growing older is taking the experiences that you have and using them to form a more educated opinion. People have known me primarily as a chief machine who knows nothing besides balling and bud. Since ash Wednesday, I have formally rebuked the Cannibus plant because of my devotion to my lord and savior Jesus H Christ. (Mostly just so I can take a T break so I can get super high on April 1st).  During this time of sacrifice, I have piced up several new hobbies like drinking a shit ton more to the point of my mother saying I have a problem (Sorry Kim), Saunaing my ass off, liking a fuck ton more picks on the gram, poding out (I guess I always did that), eating appropriate amounts of food, watching friends dogs for scratch, buying a shit ton of eth (Public Key 0xd4BA6602d7F165729792b29f2244564bF923408f), and using my phone way more than before which is really fucking saying something. There is also something that I have really changed about myself which many people have been shocked about. It is my newfound love of the Moscow Mule.

The Moscow mule is so mother fucking good. If you aren’t aware, oh buddy, let me educate you real quick. Step one, buy a fifth of Vodka. It does not matter what kind of Vodka you buy contrary to what Big Vodka wants you to believe. If you wanna spend more money on a of fifth of Titos, be my fucking guest but if you’re a gritty man like myself, an average bottle of 12$ vodka will do. (TIP: Just make sure the bottles don’t begin to stack up cuz your mom may start to question your intentions and say you’re an alcoholic ((IM NOT)) Now this next step is v important. You need to pic up a 6 pack of Goslings (No free ads) ginger beer to act as the mixy. What is so sic about ginger beer is it absolutely fucks up the bad taste of vodka. You can pour that glass fat as fuck with vodka and a couple splashes of ginger covers it all up. With one can of ginger, I reckon you can make 2.5 fat Moscows which is a pretty decent bang for your buck. What you have to make sure you do not forget is the lime/lemon juice. Usually you can buy a little container of it for < 2 bucks. Little half second squirtner and you got yourself a fucking great drink.

I know many people are questioning my loyalty to the rum and cola and my response to that is go fuck yourself. Ive drank more captain and more cola over the last 4 years to kill a, Well I’m def not gunna make a florida school shooting joke because that would be in poor taste which a Moscow mule def isn’t. They taste great therefore I won’t make a poor taste joke. Fuck that little faggot who did that and I hope they live stream the electric chair. (RIPIP Michael Clark Duncan, “I’s afraid of the dark”) I owe my life to the rum and cola and will def still drink them when I am at the bar cuz quite frankly Moscows at the bar are pretty damn expensive and I am a still poor despite being a college graduate, Thanks Obama.

PS: Normally, I have always seen the moscow mule served in a copper mug which is pretty cool at the bar cuz you can always tell if someone is drinking one but if I am being honest, I am a little woke. I don’t really think they are a necessity. Since I have been on my Moscow kick, I have yet to use a copper mug for the drink and they are still fantastic. I think Big copper (Cu) is forcing the propaganda onto the moscow market cuz the penny has been in the shitter for so long. Pennies has always been on the hot seat so this is coppers last chance to get its skin in the game. Poor copper, always the bridesmaid, never the bride.




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